What’s more cruel and unusual: banning same-sex couples from getting hitched or pressuring them to do it at warp speeds (thereby depriving them of the lengthy fights over floral arrangements and weird furniture that are the birthright of every straight dyad)?

When gay marriage became legal in New York last weekend, the race was on for queer twosomes to make honest gays and lesbians of themselves.

It was a case of on your marks, get set, MARRY.

Grandmothers Kitty Lambert and Cheryle Rudd elbowed their way to the front of the pack and were legally wed the first moment they could during a midnight ceremony at Niagara Falls.

More than 800 other gay couples braved long waits for wedding licences in New York’s summer heat after learning a lottery had been introduced to deal with the nuptial rush.

Some of these hitchees-to-be were obviously keen to enter the LGBT history books.

Others, however, were probably toey about the uncertainty created by America’s legal paroxysms over the issue.

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