On Saturday February 19th an audience of over 150 people attended a Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras forum titled ‘Queer Thinking’. The forum was supported by Australian Marriage Equality.
Speakers at the forum included Peter Tatchell and Professor Kerryn Phelps. Here is a copy of Kerryn’s address to the forum.
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MARRIAGE EQUALITY: NO MORE LAME EXCUSES
Prof Kerryn Phelps, Mardi Gras 2011
WELCOME fellow threats to Australian society and the institution of marriage.
Tonight I am going to speak to you about all the excuses we are being given for being denied equality. All the lame, pathetic, irrational and unjustified excuses for treating our relationships as less worthy of recognition than mixed gender marriages.
We don’t need to look too far back in time to see how marriage has been used as an instrument of suppression and marginalization. Denying one group within a society the right to marry deliberately cuts right to the core of the emotional world of those individuals. And I say “deliberately” because it has been used with devastating effect by regimes across the world.
In Germany in the 1930s the Nuremberg Laws were brought in by the Nazis to ban marriages between Jews and Aryan Germans, who were classified as different races. History tells us where that led.
Take your mind now to the United States and the 1960s. The law says you cannot marry because of the colour of your skin. As late as the 1970s at least twelve states still had laws forbidding marriage between whites and “other races”.
Now you are in South Africa and it’s the apartheid regime… the Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act 1951 made marriage between races illegal. Today in South Africa Apartheid has been eliminated. You can marry a different race or the same gender.
We can’t imagine a situation where blacks and whites or Jews and non-Jews would still be banned from marriage. Not here in Australia.
But most of us here do not need to stretch our imaginations because we are living in a state of marriage apartheid… in Australia…right now… in 2011.
And the only thing standing between us and equality now is a bunch of lame excuses.
It feels like I’ve been talking about marriage equality forever. I have to say, it wasn’t part of my life plan at all.
13 years ago, when I married Jackie in a liberal Jewish ceremony in New York City, we were making a very personal statement of love and commitment to each other. Back then we had no idea of the political and social statement we were making at the same time.
But we soon found out.
Back home a few weeks later, our family and friends threw a wedding reception for us. Just a hundred or so of our nearest and dearest. So far so good.
Then Mardi Gras week 1998 came around, and the tabloids geared up for their annual “Get a new gay angle” thing.
That was when all hell broke loose in our previously sheltered lives. We became the Australian media’s “new gay angle”. The Australian media had never outed someone before, so this was new territory for us and for them. And for the first time they had “discovered” gay marriage.
What had been intended as a private and intimate ceremony soon became the subject of talkback radio discussion, newspaper opinion pieces, television documentaries and current affairs stories.
Back then we felt shocked, violated, overwhelmed. Looking back, I can remember how frightened I was of the consequences of sticking our heads up over the parapet.
That fear soon turned to a sense of anger and we became determination to take a stand against the bigots and change the status quo in any way we could.
These days it just looks ridiculous that so much fuss was made about two people making a commitment to each other in a quiet little religious ceremony and then throwing a party.
But the real controversy was because we had the gall to commandeer the language of conventional marriage…”Wedding”, “Marriage”, “father-in-law”, “stepmother”. We decided to use the words like we owned them.
Back then there was even a debate about our right to show affection in public.
The major problem we needed to overcome at that time was invisibility.
Thankfully we seem to be way past that now.
Over the years, Mardi Gras has certainly played an enormous role in increasing visibility and political accountability.
Today the issue of gay marriage has spawned a new rallying point for our community, because we are sick to death of having our relationships treated as second class.
This is about the rights of individuals to choose to legally marry their partner and have equality under Australian law for ourselves and our families.
AND NOW FOR THE LAME EXCUSES
In public debates and senate hearings and private discussions, it’s mind-bending to hear the pathetic bunch of lame excuses put forward in an attempt to justify why our relationships should continue to be singled out for state- sanctioned apartheid.
There are the religious objections… I respect religious freedom, but not when my rights are threatened by theologically questionable, narrow, emotive ideology and rhetoric.
This is not about the view of one religion or another. My religion recognises our marriage and performs same sex weddings. So do several others. This is about secular law and human rights.
What’s really stupefying is when certain religious institutions start to talk about what is in the best interest of children. It’s not so long ago since the Prime Minister of our nation was moved to apologise to the half a million children abused in Christian-operated institutions, so I find it truly ironic that they could feel they have any right to tell someone what is best for the care and safety of our children.
There is the lame “family” argument which actually has nothing to do with my family. Same sex couples are conceiving and giving birth and raising our families in ever-increasing numbers. And the science is on our side…children do at least as well with same sex parents as with a mix of genders.
Then there is the “marriage for procreation argument”…so last century! And too stupid and irrational to even warrant a response. Save that one for the menopausal brides or the grooms who have had a vasectomy or the straight couples who would rather lose a limb than have a child…but they can still marry!
Then there is the excuse that so many discriminatory laws have been changed that we should be grateful and not push the marriage argument too hard. Don’t you love that?
I suppose as a woman I am supposed be grateful to have the right to vote.
There were many changes to the law under Kevin Rudd and they were a long time coming and they really have made a difference to our lives in ways most of us don’t even realize.
Sure, the changes to the Federal laws have moved the process of recognition forward, but we are stuck with a mess of State laws that still make it inequitable until the Marriage Act is changed federally.
RECOGNITION OF INTERNATIONAL MARRIAGES
The other mess is the failure of Australia to recognize legal marriages performed in other countries. The crazy thing is you could have a same sex marriage in Canada, still qualify for a marriage to someone of the opposite sex in Australia and then be arrested in South Africa for bigamy. How ridiculous is it that a couple can be married legally in Spain, the UK, Canada, South Africa or any one of the other enlightened countries but the second they arrive in Australia they are no longer considered married…until they leave again. Pathetic.
In the meantime, we are left with the worst possible form of “recognition”
…”de facto status”…That is where if you have been living together for a couple of years and the relationship goes pear-shaped, the law says you were married as far as they are concerned whether you wanted to be or not.
Then there is the lame excuse that establishing marriage equality in Australia would somehow destroy the institution of marriage. Hasn’t happened anywhere else in the world where marriage equality has become law. And it won’t happen here, at least not as a result of same sex marriage.
If you want to look for threats to the credibility of marriage, look no further than Elizabeth Taylor or Britney Spears, or TV shows like “Wife Swap” or “The Bachelor”.
Then there is “the vibe” argument. The objectors who just don’t like the idea of two men or two women wanting to marry. “It’s the vibe!” is the only justification they can conjure up.
Well I am not all that attracted to the vibe of an ugly heterosexual bigot marrying and raising children but they have that right.
LAME, LAME, LAME.
This issue really came to a head only seven years ago when the Howard Government changed the Marriage Act to read “the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.”
At the time, they government even threatened marriage celebrants that they would lose their licenses if they attempted to file applications for same sex couples in the hiatus before the changes to the Act could be rushed through Parliament.
This was done to stop people like Jackie and me from challenging a potential loophole in the law which might have resulted in our marriage being recognized as a marriage. Which of course is exactly what we were gearing up and already briefing lawyers to do.
If anyone who wants to keep this definition of “marriage” they should expect the law to be fully enforced to the letter. This would of course mean
• prohibiting any divorcee from remarrying because it breaks the “entered into for life” part of the definition. You can’t just get out of your first marriage and expect to get into another one just because you want to, and secondly
• dissolving the legal standing of any marriage where there has been any episode of infidelity as it would no longer fit the definition of a “marriage” under the Marriage Act itself, that is “to the exclusion of all others”.
They can’t use one part of the definition to suit an argument against marriage equality …that is, the part about “a man and a woman” without accepting the consequences of the rest of that definition.
Which brings me to our current Prime Minister, Julia Gillard.
During the 2010 election campaign I was horrified to hear Julia Gillard echo those words of John Howard. It was a televised live gathering at Rooty Hill in Sydney’s west. She had a smile that was misleadingly benign and reassuring…and she said that she personally believed that marriage should be between a man and a woman. No justification, not even a hint of religious fervor to explain this “shock and awe” tactic. I remember sitting watching the television in complete shock.
The only lame excuse was that that is what the Marriage Act said.
The Marriage Act that John Howard changed with ALP support in 2004.
I stewed on it for weeks, and then I just couldn’t help myself. I wrote to Ms Gillard, not about rational argument or scientific reasoning or political points, but about how her words made people like us feel…
I told her that as a woman with two daughters, I had been truly proud and excited on 24 June 2010 that Australia had our first female Prime Minister. It was a particularly proud moment to see her sworn in by our first female Governor General.
I told her about my patients…who are straight, gay or bisexual. They come from city and country and interstate. They are from all religions including Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist and Hindu. Even a few atheists. I told her about how many of them were as shocked as I was when they heard what she had said.
Many, many people have told me how they changed their vote away from the ALP because of this one issue.
They felt betrayed. They felt abandoned. They felt marginalised. So they exercised what power they had…they changed their vote. Australia’s political landscape transformed from a predominantly two party model to one with three parties plus independents. I believe that hearing our Prime Minister entrench a position of continued injustice against a minority group jarred the social conscience of many Australians.
This is not just about us any more.
What the PM and her advisors had grossly underestimated was that we are not just a significant but increasingly vocal minority… Now we are visible. Now we speak up for ourselves. And now we have wide networks of supporters…friends, parents, children, siblings, workmates and acquaintances across the political spectrum who believe in justice and fairness.
And here’s the clincher… what all sides of politics are coming to realize is that this is one of those rare political issues that is simultaneously a left wing human rights issue AND a right wing conservative issue about lifelong commitment and mutual interdependence. There’s something in it for everyone.
The Green’s first member in the House of Reps, Adam Bandt was able to get a motion passed in Parliament late last year which encouraged all MPs to consult about gay marriage with their constituents.
A lot of skeptics at the time thought this was a bit of a stunt. But it had an interesting effect. Polls had been saying for some time that support for gay marriage had been increasing across a broad demographic. The Greens’ motion compelled the MPs to focus attention on the issue and they started to talk to people. MPs of all persuasions started to become aware that the level of support really is out there. The MPs who conducted polls in their electorates confirmed the levels of support at around 70%. This must be forcing a shift of attitude.
Jackie and I have spoken to a number of senior politicians and we will be paying a visit to as many as we can in the coming months.
Along with Alex Greenwich from Marriage Equality Australia, we have also asked to see the Prime Minister but it seems she is not speaking to our community about this at all. It is being left to other MPs. But we will still leave the request on the table.
Yes there are the nutty ultra right wing homophobes with their lame excuses. But essentially, about two thirds of Australians support equality, the number is rising, and most of the rest have other things they are far more interested in.
As a citizen of this country it’s actually a bit annoying have to be here arguing for the basic right to have my relationship acknowledged and respected as equal by the laws of the land. In a country like Australia in 2011 it should be a given. But it isn’t. Not yet.
So here I am. And here you are!
I hope that the media attention on our marriage and the nonsense and vitriol that has been thrown at us over the years has been a catalyst for a new generation of action… where WE no longer accept our relationships having lesser status under the law.
There are many good people working towards marriage and relationship equality in Australia, visiting their MPs and talking to their friends and colleagues.
The Get Up campaign is on board with their fantastic TV commercial featuring identical twins.
Politicians are listening, many for the first time with comprehension.
We are more organized than ever. But there are cashed up and well-organised fanatics working against us.
The Zeitgeist though is with us and we have the momentum to succeed.
The new battle front is to fight off the suggestion that our relationships are only worthy of a second class category of recognition… the civil union. The forces of darkness say we don’t deserve to use the word “marriage” to define our marriages.
We will not be fooled that civil union is “the same” as marriage. If it is the same, then make it the same for everyone. Civil union for everyone…or marriage for everyone. There is no excuse…not even a lame excuse for denying us complete equality.
We stand on the threshold of change. We must keep up the pressure and stay united.
It’s Mardi Gras time and for more than thirty years the parade and the party have had a deeper political and social message.
This year the message is that the Australian people are ready for change.
They are ready to embrace what is fair and what makes sense. That love finds its expression in different ways for different people. We don’t over-analyse the reasons men and women want to be together or to marry each other or not. They simply have the choice.
So this Mardi Gras ask yourself …are you over the lame excuses?
Are you prepared to stand up for your right to choose?
HAPPY MARDI GRAS!